Getting Curious About “Lazy”
Numerous clients I work with think of themselves with much disdain when recounting a week where they feel like they didn’t do “enough.”
What is “enough,” I ask?
Because here’s a catch: “enough” doesn’t exist. We live in a world that believes doing something is always better than doing nothing. And not only that— there’s always something more we could be doing. This is a world that teaches us to ignore our limitations, see our bodies’ and brains’ ‘stop’ signs as manipulative traitors we must turn a deaf ear to. It doesn’t matter how busy we are, or how we feel, or what’s going on in life. There’ll always be more we could be doing, right?!
What happens, though, if we don’t do what we think we could— or should— be doing?
We call ourselves useless, incompetent, unproductive. Or simply, lazy.
But see, the deal is that calling ourselves lazy prevents us from getting curious about the reason for our inaction. What’s actually going on? Anxiety? Depression? Lack of motivation? Exhaustion, fatigue or burnout? Loneliness? Trauma response? A combination of all of these, or something else altogether? The truth is, none of us would ever choose to feel like we’re failing or disappointing ourselves or others if we could help it. If you care about something yet fail to get it done, that likely means there’s a barrier in the way, and you need self-awareness and support in working through it. Labeling oneself as “lazy” introduces shame and judgment. It prevents us from developing an understanding about the underlying reasons.
The next time you feel the need to do something but can’t seem to get yourself to, remember: this is important information. You are being called to question something. Your system is trying to tell you something. The question is, will you be gentle enough with yourself to listen?
